The background: Seeing that we are extending another month here in VanCity, my husband and I start to scour the internet for short-term budget rentals with immediate availability. Challenging task, but I go ahead and dutifully put out my inquiries on Craigslist, making sure to emphasize that we "are a young couple from San Francisco... church workers, and very responsible, friendly, peaceful and tidy." The goal was to gain from the landlord a liking and semblance of credibility to us, their future tenants, and FAST.
So I get a reply today in response to one of the inquiries I placed: It's shared accommodation (meaning landlord still has a room in the house), but all utilities are included and the backyard is huge and lined with apple and plum trees. More importantly, rental price is WAY CHEAP: half price from the going rate--the lowest among the "millions" I've checked.
At this point I'm thinking, Sweet deal! This is too good to be true.
Boy was I right.
Landlord: So you mentioned you were church workers?
Me: Yes, my husband headed the music department for our church in SF, and we're currently in town helping another church here... blah blah blah. (Building our credibility and trustworthy points here).
Landlord: Well, I'm a photographer, and I do different kinds of projects--
Me: That's Great! I do photography myself, although I don't really do it professionally yet. I'd love to see some of your work! Do you have a website up?
I'm kissing butt at this point, can you tell? But I really should have let him finish.
Landlord mumbles something about his stuff still stored in some server, ergo no website. Then the clincher: Yeah, well, as I was saying, I do different kinds of projects. A lot of glamour stuff, y'know... and I do erotica.
Erk.
Landlord continues: So... I don't know how you guys feel about that, being church workers and all.
I wasn't prepared for that. At all. Landlord must have sensed my hesitation.
Landlord: But hey, it's not like my stuff is displayed in the house or anything.
A little iffy, but hey, I honestly had no problem with it. That's his life; if we didn't have to see it, then he can leave that in his server, right? I look over to Bebs, but he's busy minding the road. I make a quick judgment call.
Me: Well, we might as well take a look at it. We're on the road now, maybe we can come over and see the place?
He gives his address, and fifteen minutes later we're in front of the house. Humble. The backyard was refreshing though. Fruit trees, just like his ad promised. We approach the back door.
Me: Hello?
Landlord comes out, and I finally put a face to the voice.
For discretion's sake, tatagalugin ko na from here on:
Dude (and I mean duuuuuuude), yung mama... mukha talaga siyang pang-erotica. Complete with bigote! Kulang na lang leopard prints! Ang bahay pa may amoy. Ang labo. I couldn't quite put my finger to it, parang it was a mixture of yosi, incense, and days-old body smells. Ayayay. Yung kwarto pa na dapat sa amin, may naka-hanger sa cabinet na chipipay faux fur coat na pambabae (complete with frill trimmings!) At ang bedsheet! Mukhang kaka-photo shoot lang dun sa kwarto. My oh my oh my, kill me now... as in KEEEELL MEE NOWWW!!
So the short of it is, we are still on the hunt for a place. Hahaha. Duh.
If you've got downtime at work, help me search the web for rentals: Short-term (1-2 months), available now, double occupancy, all utilities included. Preferably downtown.
And yes, I'll pay a premium for CLEAN. And privacy. And fresh air.
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